Sunday, November 18, 2007
so many thoughts...
I've spent the past six months with this plan:"I will take a year off to travel and read. I will take my exams
and prepare my application package to apply for graduate programs.
In Fall 2008 I will go into a graduate program."
and prepare my application package to apply for graduate programs.
In Fall 2008 I will go into a graduate program."
Now I'm not so sure. I received my results from the Literature in English Subject GRE in the mail the two days before my General GRE. In all honesty, I did unbelievably bad on the Subject test. This isn't me being modest...I nagasakai'd it. For sure. I did better on the general test--I'm pretty comfortable being middle-of-the-pack when it comes to standardized tests.
I'm waiting on advice from my professors, but I'm assuming it would be a waste of time to apply to schools requiring the Subject test. I could be wrong, but the score would be a giant, flashing, neon, red flag to the admissions folks. I've sorted through all of the schools I was planning on applying to and found the itty-bitty-handful who don't require the Subject test.
I don't think I've ever said "everything happens for a reason" in reference to my own problem. It's really a suggestion reserved for comforting friends but I'm thinking that maybe this is a sign. I miss working creatively and the past few months I've had a hard time starting projects. Maybe it's writer's block, maybe it's post-undergrad recovery time, maybe it's just plain laziness.
The past week or so I've been in a creative groove. All of these ideas are pounding in my head and I feel like I should be working on them. Applying to school has been freaking me out, and basically being obliterated by that test...well it has put the brakes on my one track mind.
I'm running out of time to make this decision. I can apply to a handful of schools (at any of which I would probably be quite happy doing my MA) and see what happens. If that doesn't work out (if i don't get in/don't get funding/lose my nerve) I can try again next year. That usually sounds like such a brush off, but I'm coming to terms with the idea that changing my path doesn't mean that I've failed myself--it just means I've found another way to go. Reminding myself that I graduated "a year early" makes the idea of waiting longer easier to swallow.
exasperated sigh.
Oh...and Spider Solitaire owns my soul.
Oh...and Spider Solitaire owns my soul.
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Just remember, you're a smart person. Don't let some crap-tastic standardized test let you think otherwise.
If all else fails, you can always just help me take over the world. I just need an army of loyal minions and some more %#!*ing coffee. *twitch*